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100% Control

The Dance Metaphor

It takes two to dance.

When something you don’t want occurs while interacting with another person, multiple people played a part in creating that outcome.

However: The majority of the time, you have the power to control 100% of the outcome.

If somebody invites you to dance, you both have to say yes in order for the dance to happen.

If either of you say no, the dance doesn’t happen.

That’s what 100% control means.

You don’t have just part of the power. Oftentimes, you have ALL the power to create the reality you want.

Both People Have 100% Control

You have 100% control over whether you dance. And so does the other person. Both of you, simultaneously, each have the power to stop the dance from happening.

This isn’t a contradiction. It’s not zero-sum. You’re not dividing power between you. Since either person saying no stops the dance, each of you independently holds the entire outcome in your hands.

When something goes wrong, multiple people created it. Both had full control. Both can take full responsibility without diminishing the other’s.

This Works Both Ways

Most people hear “100% control” and think about prevention—the power to stop something from happening. That’s the obvious half.

But you also have 100% control over whether something does happen.

If you want to dance, one person can say no. But you have 100% control over whether you dance—just not who you dance with. Ask someone else. You can have anything you want. You just can’t have it with whoever you want.

The same responsibility that lets you prevent outcomes lets you create them. You shape the odds. You choose where to be, who to ask, how to show up. The more creative and persistent you are, the more inevitable the outcome becomes.

Why People Miss This

When someone feels like a victim and doesn’t see their power, they often correctly see that the other person had 100% control. But they fail to see that they also had 100% control—or something close to it.

They think it’s 100% vs 0%. It’s actually 100% vs 100%.

Because they don’t see their own part, they put all the blame on the other person. The other person becomes the sole creator of the outcome. This is why victimhood feels so certain—they’re not wrong that the other person had power. They’re just blind to their own.

What This Is NOT

This does not abdicate other participants from responsibility.

Everyone, via action or inaction, created what happened.

This is just a way of recognizing YOUR power:

  • Showing you how you can create what you want
  • Even in the face of actors who have other goals
  • Even when others want different things
  • It’s showing you how you can create your own safety

Why This Matters

When people don’t see their power:

  • They don’t take responsibility
  • They feel like victims of circumstance
  • They wait for others to change
  • They stay stuck

When people see their 100% control:

  • They recognize their choices
  • They can create different outcomes
  • They stop waiting for the world to be different
  • They become empowered

Teaching This

This is about empowerment, not blame.

You’re not saying “it’s your fault.”

You’re saying: “You have more power than you realized. Let’s look at how you can use it.”